Sometimes I flow away in thoughts on how it would be like to live a life that holds everything I desire. Not the modern life filled with compensational acts, but a self invented life which integrates all those things servingly and beautifuly.
Thoughts And Daydreams
Inventing A Life
Comfort From Within
As with the bare feet walking, I like this movement-growth-direction where I become more capable and as a result I am in need of less. I am exploring this (mentally and physically) for a while now and would love to see where it leads.
To sit perfectly fine without a chair. To not be depended on the comfort of the chair but to create that comfort from within. Doing so one becomes more, as in more capable, more flexible, more adaptable, more free.
There is a balance to be found between being nurtured and in being exposed. Both you are able to control. I believe there is a sweet spot right between exposure and nurture where growth is most powerful. It is a fine balance between yin and yang, between the qualities of the Woman and the Man. It needs the more womanly sensitivity and the listening towards all aspects that are you, and it needs the more manly courage to be able to be disturbed by your experiences without them leading you away.
The above is a belief, and it has noise, is not so pure, not so clear, and will most likely change in the future. It is still partly a mental thing, but is a general direction where I want to go. I do believe the idea is a beautiful one because it implies that I am ever more capable the more I guide myself into exposure. Doing so it makes a journey where I get to know myself, where I see myself change. The more I get to know myself, more deeply, more finely the more I become capable. It is a vicious circle, one I desire.
I love to see patterns like this and it has been a big topic for me some time. I will not go to much into it as I am steering away from this whole cart thing. Deep down it is these things I would love to talk about. The cart thing is just a hook, a form, a story, in which I can let this out. I'm still skeptical and doubtful about what I write because it has not been exposed so much. I will try to do so, gently, slowly. If there is an interest, let me know and I can see if I am able to write/share this kind of material.
I hope for the day he'll speak so vividly I'll have no choice but to drop my idea of what he is.
Even when traveling with the cart, when there is no reason for hurry, still I have to remind myself. For a moment I stand still, breathing in and out, let my tummy relax-expand, let old habits fade away, reminding myself, I do not need to get anywhere.
The idea of getting somewhere is nested deep within me. It is the main drive-dictator-influencer of my movement (not just physical) throughout the day.
I remember, not so long ago, when I hiked that it was this same drive that send me from hut to hut. It seemed all about making it to the next stop. What if my movement through the day was not going to work according to the plan in my head? This can not be, let's walk a bit faster, let's have a smaller lunch break, let's take less photos, let's not explore this side track, let's (not) do this or that just to ensure the plan is realised.
This one belief-habit is a break on my playfulness-wondering-wandering-flexibility-easyness-curiosity-flowinglyness. It hinders life to throw in some interesting-surprising-fun-… experiences. It's the act of squeezing and holding onto an idea so tightly, of how it supposed to be, that I leave no room for anything else to happen outside my narrow frame of thinking. It makes for a dull and exhausting life.
Most of the times, it is still hard for me to recognise this drive and to jump out of it. But I'm trying. K is my inspiration for this. Life somehow moves around her. Good things happen to her, especially when she is traveling. She is carried in some way. I'd love to be more like her, hoping this whole cart thing brings me closer to that.